Pre-COVID-19, we had been fairly active in community and in church. Our days were spent connecting with our missional community, Sunday Gatherings, various church-related events, as well as our weekly homeschool community days.
Today my family and I find ourselves on Day 9 of Self-Quarantine, and we’re starting to feel the effects of it. Being wired for community but not being able to participate and partake is starting to take its toll in a number of ways. Maybe you, like us, are starting to sense it, too. Maybe you, like me, are starting to feel the distance more than you thought you would. Here are a few things I am paying attention to.
Grieve the Ideal.
It’s not ideal at all. The writer of Hebrews reminds us to not neglect to meet together (Hebrews 10:25). We, made in the image of God, were created with the desire to commune together. And we’ve experienced the beauty and grace of what that communion gives us; encouragement, edification, stirred affections.
But here today, we find ourselves in a season of isolation; not able to be in close proximity with one another. The people we so long to live with and love have been removed from our spaces. The laughter that filled our homes last week is no longer, the feasting together halted. Our coffee dates, our lunch dates, our dinner dates…all brought to an abrupt stop. Friend, it is okay to grieve this loss. We should be missing the physical presence of others, and more, the physical presence of God through others. Lamenting the loss of physical closeness with others might be just what you need to move through this season.
Adversity tends to reveal idols and coping mechanisms. When faced with adversity, my natural tendency is to withdraw and when my coping mechanism does not bring the relief it normally does, I am faced with the reality of how much I strive for idealism in my life.
But, I think hardships also reveal alternatives. It can teach us there is a better way, or to hold expectations and “needs” a little more loosely. In the last week, I’ve found myself longing, more than ever, for the physical presence of people, whether that presence is marked with significance or a (less than ideal) friendly fist-bump. I am saddened by the likelihood of not gathering with my brothers and sisters for an extended amount of time. Like Paul to his beloved, my affections are stirred, my heart is longing.
We can’t stay in the grief. Grieving cannot prevent us from participating in the life of the church. The Church still needs its people to actively participate, and now more than ever. And if you think deeply enough about it, the implications of a church that just stays home, and gets used to this quarantine, are devastating (depression, anxiety, hidden sin, etc). Let us lament the temporary loss of the physical presence of others, but let us not remain unmoved to meet the needs of our body.
Zoomed In
What grace it is that the Lord provides. In this time of temporary, physical dispersion, the Lord has given us a means of grace that is the internet to remain connected. We have used it regularly and mindlessly. It’s a grace we’ve taken advantage of and a grace that we’ve abused. And at present, it is one of the only ways we can really connect, be seen, or be heard. Not ideal, but maybe necessary.
Oftentimes things that are necessary must come with certain guidelines or boundaries. We take for granted the nuances of physical fellowship; the way a person carries him/herself, the eye contact, even the simplicity of security that closeness brings. We take for granted the easiness of caring for others we are close with.
As our interactions decrease, so also the ability to call to attention tendencies or sin in one another. If not attentive and aware of how we walk and talk, we will likely find ourselves in rocky territory. As nearness becomes distance, we tend to be less cautious in our approach, or forsake approaching altogether. We can find ourselves letting down our once-guarded thoughts and tongues. We are no longer sensitive to how we are loving one another well with our words or tone (or how we aren’t). We no longer give attention to our body language. And obversely, we hang on to vain imaginations which cause us to believe lies in one another. Our perceptions might be a little skewed during this time and our sensitivities can become increasingly heightened.
It’s likely that our online/virtual communication is going to increase exponentially more than it has in the past, so how can we navigate it well? How do we move into this new season with the hearts of the people we love in mind? Here are three small things that might help.
Believe the Best in One Another
“Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].”
1 Corinthians 13:7 AMP
It may have already happened to you. Someone said something and it made you feel something. You’re not quite sure what it was but you felt it; a twinge, a poke, a bruising. It might be how you received it, or it might be how they spoke it. You’re not quite sure what to do with it as we can’t see each other and work this out in person.
As brothers and sisters, we’re called to look for the best in one another. It’s not an impossible task, though it might not come naturally. Believing the best of one another causes us to take a step back. It causes us to think both widely and deeply about our sister or brother. Where are they coming from? How do they normally approach conversation? What is happening all around this? Am I overlaying my disagreement onto them? Am I seeing their heart through a distorted lens, through a past brokenness?
To believe the best about our people means that we approach them with grace and a desire to be unified. It means that there might be personal sensitivities (though, never abuses) that we overlook. It means that sometimes unity looks like letting go of issues that are not primary. Alternatively, it might mean bringing that offense to attention with a spirit of gentleness and with an agenda of restoration.
Receive the Best from Others
We’re in this weird and crazy time, a time in which none of us have ever been before. There’s a lot of uncertainty when it comes to when normalcy will resume (but honestly, normalcy as we knew it won’t be our new normal. We’ll have learned things that just won’t allow us to go back there again). Uncertainty tends to stir up a lot of untouched feelings and emotions.
We are all really trying to do the best we can do, and everyday there’s something new we’re having to learn.
To receive the best from others means that we take what is offered and see it as grace. We receive their words and sift through to find the truths of what God wants us to understand about Himself and the place we find ourselves. To receive the best means that we might have to take all of it in, ruminate on it, and keep what is good, true, and beautiful. In a season of uncertainty, when resistance might be more our posture, we are given the opportunity to receive our sisters and brothers as they are: broken, but doing their best. Not one of us is a finished product, but continually being transformed into the image of Christ. Interestingly, this idea isn’t isolated and contained to our season of quarantine…it’s always been an everyday reality.
James gives us framework for our action toward this end in 1:19:
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”
Coming from a position of receptivity means that we are quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, believing the best so that we can respond with our best.
Offer the Best to Others
To offer our best to one another, we must be attuned to the Holy Spirit. We must be in-step with His cadence and call. Our time in His Word will reveal not only His will, but also His wisdom. What an opportunity we have in this season to remove distraction and busy-ness, and to embrace the Scriptures and prayer. While our current circumstances seem so far from Biblical times, the principles found there are unchanging, living, and ready to be lived out in today.
To offer our best to one another, we also must be attuned to the needs of one another. Though we find ourselves at home, we still must intentionally pursue one another; to learn where we are at spiritually/mentally/emotionally, how we are moving through this, what we are struggling with. To continue to actively be the hands and feet of Jesus to our brothers and sisters, we must engage even if engaging means texting, polo-ing, or jumping onto a Zoom call.
Offering our best means that we are more careful with what we say and how we say it. Offering our best means that we might choose to share a thought or opinion at a later time. In offering our best, we consider if what we have to offer is helpful for building one another up, or if it might cause distraction from the topic at hand. Offering our best means that we carry into every interaction a posture of humility, dying to self for the sake of lifting others up. Offering our best means that our agenda is the agenda of the Lord.
As we walk side-by-side with one another, even from afar, we are still given opportunity to speak hope and life into the lives of the people around us, to remind them of the deep truths of the Gospel, and to remind one another of the great love of Jesus. We can love our neighbor, our sisters and brothers, our Church well in this season by believing the best, receiving the best, and offering our best to them as we connect. This, too, isn’t isolated and contained to our season of quarantine…it’s always been an everyday reality.