“…like the refining of gold, the dirty bits float to the surface for us to see. We skim them away leaving only the good and pure…It’s the purification of faith.”
It went something like that, his response. After I talked about how I feel far from God sometimes, when I feel less perfect, when I get freaked out because I am not living up to the standard of Christianity…the one I created in my own head, probably, because of my desire and urge to try to be unattainably perfect. And then he spoke those words…the purification of faith.
_______________________
A few weeks ago, I was browsing my twitter feed and came across this question:
What is one extraordinary thing that God has done this year that you don’t feel worthy of?
What a question. I was immediately drawn to the question and began pondering how my life has changed this year and where God showed himself.
If I could answer the question with only one thing that God’s done in my life this year, it would be that He’s purifying my faith. He really grabbed my attention, helped me to grow into myself, helped me to see beyond myself and the right now. He placed specific people in my life who’ve helped me to grow and understand faith, how much He loves me, and who’ve helped me to learn to live in faith. He’s given me growing opportunities, showing me the choice between growing closer and growing further from Him. He answered prayers sometimes directly, sometimes not, but always to show me how I’m meant to live.
I do feel unworthy of this love that’s been shown to me. The closer I’ve grown to Him, the more I see where I fall short and the more unworthy I feel of His love. My dirty bits begin to reveal themselves, allowing me to see where I need to change and grow. The habits and distractions that keep me from Him show up and make me pay notice.
And yet even when I feel far from righteousness, this amazing thing is happening. The purification of my faith draws me nearer. And suddenly I’m spun around when I understand that in recognizing the unworthiness and moving away from those habits and distractions, in some confusing and miraculous way, I’m being made to be worthy.
_______________________
What is one extraordinary thing that God has done this year that you don’t feel worthy of?