If you’ve followed me for any number of years, you’d see that I come and go in waves. Sometimes, I’m here blogging every day, sometimes I’ll go a month or two or five without updating.
In the last few years, I have had so many wonderful creative ideas swimming around in my head. Too many to count, really. And I start working them out to execute and the up pops another and I move on to that. I often would not complete the first ideas because I created a felt need to move on to something more. More. I was always searching for something more. Even when I went on sabbatical a few years ago, I never really found the thing that I was looking for. I never found it because I never really took the time to stop and examine. I have had this self-made idea that I would not be successful enough, smart enough, mommy enough, wife enough, Christian enough, photographer enough…enough, if I didn’t meet this perceived standard…The thing of it, though, is I didn’t even have an idea what that even looked like. So I was chasing. And if you’ve ever chased something, you know how exhausting it can be if you never quite reach it. On and on and in circles and uphill and downhill. It’s never ending and it’s chaotic and it’s loud (because the voices in my head never slept, ha!). And it was all a delusion.
And then, one day, it all stopped. And God, in his goodness, showed me what enough really looks like. I woke up one day and found freedom from all my self-imposed rules and boundaries and expectations. I woke up to find that He is pleased with me, that all I am doing is enough. That enough is as much as is required. And what I really learned that what is required of me is being a good wife, being available to my kiddos, serving God in what He’s called me to do (not what I think He’s called me to do).
Now, with all this new-found freedom, I am learning to share a bit more. I realize that, for some time, I have kept my personal matters off this here business blog. I was never quite sure how it would be taken, me and my learning to be a better person. But what I have come to realize, is that my personal life is as important to my business as all of the lovely photographs I share. Learning to be satisfied with enough is as important to my creative process as marketing/photographing/living. My art is very personal. The connections I make with you are very personal. I want to be able to have a personal connection and conversation with you. And, yes, it may turn a few people off from booking me, and, yes, you who are reading this may be a high-level exec or you may be a mama or a student… And if you are turned off by it…that’s ok. I might not be enough for you (in contrast, it might be too much for you! haha!). But, no matter. I am learning to be enough for me.
Today, enough looks like this:
